June 2011
1 post
i want to do more.
May 2011
4 posts
So We Lie: i am disposable. →
my-alchemy:dearest jess, i did not mean to offend you. and you were not included in this post. i know you will always be my best friend. it is the people that i see every day that desert me when i need them or treat me like a novelty. and know that no matter how far away i move i will always love you and come back to see you.
drinkme-down:
my-alchemy:
is it impossible for somebody like me...
take life into your own hands.
although i am horribly depressed and tend to have a closet “woe is me” attitude, i am inspired and hope that some day i can grow up. i don’t mind having responsibilities because for my whole life outside forces or excuses supplied by myself have prevented me from accepting any kind of responsibility. i am messy, unhealthy, i procrastinate, i don’t pay any of my bills except...
TRUTH:
Although I know I have talent, I know that I don’t have enough to be a successful artist.
April 2011
5 posts
BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS
always in my head.
Oh,
the slip of the slope.
i am disposable.
is it impossible for somebody like me to have a real relationship with anybody? i don’t even have real friends anymore. everyone is sick of me and i of them.
maybe ill find somebody in chicago that’s as emotionally deficient as me so we can just be insane together.
i feel the quick jerk and chug of the engine every time i start my car and think “this isn’t going to hold together much longer”
but it’s not about the engine.
it never has been.
March 2011
11 posts
Dinner
Dustin: What ya doing?
Emily: music. eating a potato ha.
Dustin: Nice! Just baked?
Emily: hah as a matter of fact, yes.
am i dreaming or am i really talking to my almost love from high school and is he really telling me that he wished he would have stepped up to be with me? this is one of those things that you think about before you go to bed and dream about while youre awake when youre regretting what could have been….
i just want somebody to fuck and pass out/sleep with once in awhile…MAYBE even go as far as hanging out sober sometimes. is that too much to ask for?
The Tallest Man on Earth, Efterklang, Delta...
why are all of the good boys dying?
My perception of reality is beginning to blur. I dream alternate or additive realities of events that have already occurred and sometimes can’t remember if the dream I had was a dream it or it really did happened. Nothing big…just a snippet of conversation or a hug good bye, but waking up I don’t remember that I was dreaming and the dream becomes real. I feel like I’m...
Really self? You had to go and fuckin do that?
The best art is the art that makes you laugh and...
Yoga Class
Karen: Emily come here for a second.
Emily: Hi =]
Karen: Hi. I'm really glad you came today. I don't want things to be weird between us. I don't know what it is but there's something I really like about you.
Emily: Things won't be weird no worries.
Karen: And I don't know what happened between you and Ryan. I just know that you were together one day and you weren't the next.
Emily: *crying and laughing* It's just...
Karen: No it's ok I probably don't want to know. You're probably like ahh too soon get away from me but he does feel like shit.
Emily: Yeaaa I know.
Karen: I'm really glad you came.
Emily: Me too. I'll see you next week.
“Loveliest of lovely things are they, on earth, that soonest pass away.”
– William Cullen Bryant (via andrewharlow)
Question...
What kind of person in their right mind would break up with somebody that just found out their good friends little brother died?
February 2011
8 posts
“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the...”
– Aldous Huxley (via anarchyofthemind)
Danny,
I have been thinking so many things since you died. I want to say so much to you but I don’t know where to start or even if it matters. I didn’t know you as well as I should have. But I know your parents….I know how good they are and how much they love you. I know Matty and love him. But moreover I know how much he loved you. He could never say no. Even if you stole his car and...
i get to sleep alone in my bed tonight. it's kinda...
"I've described it as everything seeming fuzzy."
I was walking through wegmans yesterday after making my last post and had an out of body experience that, supposedly, is normal for taking prozac. i felt my feet. i had thoughts but didn’t remember my thoughts. my brain’s mind was somewhere in the meat cooler as i was walking past the seafood counter. my heart was in my stomach. my stomach was empty as it always feels now. all of my...
two weeks ago i started seeing a psychiatrist. i lied to her. i told her i only smoke weed and drink and left out the parts about the acid and shrooms and molly and sass and that one time i tried ecstasy.
but i told her that i was depressed. and that i feel nothing. and that i was raped. and that i push people away after i have sex with them. she didn’t listen. she told me that its hard...
January 2011
8 posts
want.
i want my hair to be long.
i want to be confident.
i want to be thinner.
i want to be comfortable.
i want my back to stop hurting.
i want to solve my problems.
i want to self actualize.
i want to be an artist.
i want to win a scholarship.
i want my own gallery show.
i want to help people.
i want to not have to do things.
i want to relax.
i want to love.
i want to be happy.
i want...
lately...
all i’ve had is writing to console in. i don’t understand much else. i can’t fall asleep before 7 in the morning unless i take nyquil. even if there’s nothing to do i sit there. i’m not tired but i guess i could be. i don’t want to sleep. i don’t want to sit. i don’t want to do anything. i don’t want to exist. i say this not meaning that i hate...
all of them.
innocence; chris trevor chad tomy timm zakk colin brendan sean randy jp ryan bryan danny matt brandon kyle cobie dustin kevin mikey matt seth zachary
lack there of; bryan dante mike adam jeremy chris timm adam eric
in between; spencer matty joey alan brady jesse jake tyler joel
more; ryan.
oh you want weed? let me make a few calls.
half hour? oh hour? k.
pfft of course i want wine.
what are these?
oh yea ill do that too.
2 more?
where did this beer come from?
lets go get the weed!
ahhhhhh!
bahahahahaha!!!
smoke before we leave? ok.
alright guys heres the 8th lets smoke.
and smoke more.
more beer?
another pill?
ill just eat this one.
mmm nap time.
12:30 hung over.
...
just one more time.
it was for a good cause. love? lust?
excuses.
“Life is funny sometimes.”
The new year thus far...
It is hard for me to write how I feel about this new year. We are only 16 days in and so many things have happened already….a sure sign that this year, if anything, will be a momentous one.
In my youth, I was spontaneous and pushed away whatever responsibility was issued to me. I was not in control of my own life. I am still not, but I want that to change.
I would love to lose weight but...
BACK WITH A VENGEANCE.
looking back at my old posts, i realize how much this blog turned into what i wanted to be portrayed as on tumblr and not who i really am and what i really think. and instead of making a new blog and being anonymous, i will be me and whoever knows me on here will know who i really am.
Sincerely, Emily.
August 2010
19 posts
I need to make a new blog so nobody can find me and I can truly speak my mind.
Seeing you tonight sucked. She’s prettier than I thought she would be. Congratulations…
Tally
Houdini - broken
Gandalf - broken
Jr. - in tact
SO FUCKING BRAND NEW I DIDNT EVEN GET TO NAME IT - STOLEN
people are shitty.
hey just so you know,
being skinny doesn’t make you a good model.
i love getting drunken texts from exes. looks like...
The Deciding Factor
Timm: So how's the new apartment?
Me: Amazing! My kitchen is perfect for beer pong...just sayin.
Timm: That's what makes a place!
Me: Hahaha funny how that happens...
chaosinateacup:
I took your heart home Watched it dry up Then die.
I took your heart home And put it in a box Under the ground.
I took your heart home Because you gave it To me.
My dearest Zachery...
Zachery: Emily, I swear to god if you die...
Me: lol what?
Zachery: I'm going to punch your ghost.
